What you don't know about self-sabotage can hurt you and your relationships with others.I want to shine light on the following, "How To Avoid Costly Mistakes of Self-Sabotage" tips:
Focus on the positive in other people.
The very thing you criticize another for may well be what you yourself will encounter.
I have found often what I criticize someone else for, I seem to encounter. Hmm, could God be saying something? Perhaps, "Walk a mile in their shoes," or, "Judge not."
Do we judge someone else in the name of expressing our opinion? I have really tried to break that habit as of the last several years, not that I am perfect at it. But, I do try to catch myself before I do. From my vantage, there is nothing wrong with being silent, or conveniently removing yourself from a conversation. Even the use of humor is a great deflection or disarming tool to employ if others bring something up something negative about another person. Another option might be to change the subject to something amazing and engaging. Or, try an, "I'll pass," if tempted to enter into a gossip fest.
Seek rest for your mind and soul.
Know that quiet is okay. There doesn't always have to be conversation with others or thoughts flying 90 miles per hour in your mind. Multi-tasking is good and has its place, but peace and rest for your soul is vital to learn to dwell in even in the midst of activity going on around you. I encourage you to make that a goal to let perfect love and peace be your dwelling place in God in your daily living experience. Every single person on the face of the earth faces challenges and problems, but it is how we choose to deal with them that determines our level of success in overcoming or navigating our way through them.
Matthew 11:28-30 (NLT) 28 Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.”
Philippians 4:8 (NLT) 8 And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.
Realize that some things just aren't personal or (are you ready for this?) even about you or me.
Enjoy your inner peace and joy. Taking everything personally sets us up for failure….ie…wearing your emotions on your shirt sleeve and living reactionary by nature. We've heard the phrase, "Not everything is about you." That should be a comfort to you. You don't always have to be, "on." Enjoy people and be with them while someone else may be, "on."
You choose how you will view each day.
The character, Eeyore, from Winnie the Pooh incessantly focuses on the negative. Even sunshiny days are perceived as gloomy through his eyes!
Know that there are good days. There are bad days. A day does not a lifetime make. Remain positive even through the processing, through the progress, the learning and even seasons of pain, whether emotional, physical or mental.
Trash the fear talk.
"What ifs?" and "This or that might happen," justifications of why or why not someone should put on hold or avoid trying a particular new venture altogether needs to be trashed. It doesn't matter if it is your own self-talk or coming from another person. Trash the fear talk and move forward.
Pick a new role for yourself. Playing Velma or Vernon the VICTIM is not for you!
Cancel your subscription to, "I'm a victim," phrases from your past or current situation. Change your perspective from victim to, "I'm processing through to Victor," even if it's one step at a time!
Let go of rehearsing ill-health symptoms play-by-play.
Have you ever known people who have difficulty connecting with others in conversation on any topic but ill health? (And, usually, it is their own!) Does it make you want to engage with them or turn and walk the other way when you see them coming?
Of course, life is real and there are truly times we are down in some way, whether recovering from illness or a negative life event or tragedy. Remaining there in conversation is an act of self-sabotage in relating to others.
On the flipside of someone experiencing true illness, we have all encountered a person, perhaps more than one, who journeys through life as a hypochondriac. That is a person who is abnormally anxious about their health. They have such fear that they are ill or will become ill that they hyper-focus on their bodies. In relating to others that won't fly well.
Close the "Dump."
Does it seem that there are people who surely must see a sign over your head that reads, "CITY DUMP--DUMP HERE," when they see you coming? Some people unload all their negative stuff that is going wrong or bad on others, sometimes all in one conversation!
Perhaps we think, "Here comes Bad News Betty again," when we see or hear her coming! All she talks about is what is going wrong in her life.
If that individual insists on that being the dynamic of your relating to each other, simply make yourself unavailable or make it inconvenient for that person to be in your presence to dump on you. Close the dump!
Show interest in others.
Showing interest in others is common courtesy. Relating to and with people is a give and take in healthy relationships, not just one-sided.
Knowing, first of all, what level of relationship you are in with that individual helps to determine how personal or non-personal to keep your conversation. This could be skewed in a multiplicity of ways. Business is business. Then, there are business friendships, acquaintances, casual friends, close friends, best friends, opposite gender friends and same gender friends. The list could go on. The important thing is to show interest in others at any level of relating. It is an act of kindness and a loving thing to do. Learn to ask questions about them, their interests, their work, their life updates, etc.
Keep a cheerful, "No, thank you!" in your pocket.
If you're a fan of western movies, then you most definitely have heard in a pre-gunfight scene, "Hold it right there. Don't move!" So, lovingly I say to you, "Hold it! Don't be moved from your place of joy and peace," even in annoying situations. At the risk of sounding Pollyanna-ish, here is an easily-overlooked, simple tip, that is profoundly impacting upon you AND the one to whom you are speaking. It is a great tip for managing your emotions in potentially annoying situations.
An example might be when you are shopping and pass a kiosk with a salesperson calling out to you to purchase something or perhaps you are shopping and a sales clerk asks if you would like to buy extra products or open a charge account? Rather than feeling irritated, you can simply (literally) raise the pitch of your voice to a higher tone, smile and say, "No, thank you," cheerfully. No guilt, just cheer for both you and the listener. Your, "No" doesn't have to be gruff, angry or impatient. You can literally remain in joy and peace within yourself and say a cheery, "No, thank you." It's as simple as that. I recall taking a summer eurhythmics course under Dr. Robert Abramson, a dance instructor from New York City. He said, "Learn to say, 'No,' with a smile."
What about those annoying telephone calls that catch you off guard? Remain in peace and joy with your simple, cheerful (even if forced), "No thank you." The point here is to not be moved from your inner place of peace and rest because something or someone has irritated or annoyed you. The smile is for you, as well as the listener.
There are definite times and places to appropriately respond in a gruff and definitive, "I mean what I say and that's, NO!" response when you feel danger or threatened in some way. Common sense and discernment would be your guide in those situations.
I hope these, "How To Avoid Costly Mistakes Of Self-Sabotage," tips will serve as a guide to being good to yourself and more positively engaging with those you encounter.